Last week saw Team Own My Life (well, our CEO Natalie and administrator, Andrew) travelling to the Isle of Man to celebrate 25 years of Victim Support on the island. Natalie had been invited to contribute to the first of two conference days, alongside activist David Challen and co-founder of the Joanna Simpson Foundation, Diana Parkes. Own My Life has been delivered on Mann since 2020, and so we were delighted to be joining inspiring speakers and other organisations across the island to celebrate Victim Support’s work.
Natalie first delivered training on the Isle of Man a decade ago, and was encouraged by the turnout for the conference, which was much stronger and more cohesive than ten years previously. The event was opened by Lorna Trevethan, CEO of Victim Support and by Jane Poole-Wilson, Minister of Justice and Home Affairs. Poole-Wilson spoke of successful efforts made to criminalise domestic abuse and the government’s commitment to changing things on the island. It was encouraging to see the Minister remain present for the whole day, unlike many other events, where a politician remains for as little time as possible after their scheduled speech.
David Challen spoke next. His work, alongside Harriet Wistrich and many other accomplished women, to see his mother Sally Challen released (in 2019) from prison after killing his abusive father, is well-known. Alongside sharing his wider story and then his journey to realising that he had been subject to abuse as a child with an abusive father, Challen called the conference to consider the impact of abusive masculinity. He was keen to ensure that people stop using the term “toxic” when they mean “abusive” and implored us to stop affording him special status because he is a man working to address men’s violence against women.
It is curious that although domestic abuse responses are led by women, the most well-known domestic abuse theorists are men; Evan Stark, Lundy Bancroft, David Mandel. Of a recent academic conference our CEO Natalie attended, she says, “I was struck by how the female academics were avoiding emotive language, seeking always to be seen as objective observers. They had to convince an entire culture of their seriousness, when both consciously and subconsciously that culture views women as too emotional to be taken seriously. This was in contrast to the male presenters, who used emotive language, and in doing so were perceived as passionate, committed and more compelling. Their seriousness had never been in question.” Our gendered expectations reward men with status, affirmation and opportunities if they speak out about men’s violence. So much so that even when men like David Challen ask to be afforded no special status, people still want to thank him, as a man, for speaking up.
Diana Parkes spoke next. In a deeply moving presentation, she spoke about her daughter Joanna’s overwhelming goodness and how Joanna’s ex-husband brutally killed her. Diana acknowledged the positive approach of the police in her daughter’s case, but shared that the prosecution team were deeply unpleasant in their treatment of her family and the case as a whole. While premeditation was easily provable, the prosecution’s blasé approach and refusal to present the full reality of the killer’s abuse prior to killing Joanna led the jury to convict Robert Brown of manslaughter rather than murder. Diana’s tireless advocacy led to government intervention so that Robert Brown will serve his full 26 year sentence, after it was expected he would be halfway through. Her family’s story was told in the documentary The British Airways Killer(available on ITVX HERE). Joanna’s courage in ensuring her children would be raised by Diana, their grandmother, is a testament to the ways that women protect their children and remain courageous even when their life is under threat. Similarly, Diana’s commitment to enabling children recover from trauma, starting with her own grandchildren, has made a significant difference to many children through the work of the Joanna Simpson Foundation.
Our CEO Natalie was the afternoon speaker. Natalie encouraged those present to see women subjected to abuse as capable and brilliant. When raising funds and support for those subject to abuse, there is a need to garner sympathy from the general public, however this sympathy can very often leave women shrunken and “othered”. Alongside being a misrepresentation, a portrayal of abused women as pathetic and small makes it very hard for women who are being abused to identify that what is being done to them. It makes it very hard for family members and friends to meaningfully support women and their children; they don’t see the woman they are supporting as “one of those weak, shrivelled up women who get abused.” Natalie was interviewed, along with the other speakers, by Manx Radio. You can listen HERE, where she speaks briefly on this.
As part of her presentation, Natalie launched our Manx Women’s Rights Timeline resource. Freely available on our website HERE, this video resource is based on our core Own My Life content. We had so much support from researchers and historians on Mann, that we wanted to make this version of the video (and the accompanying worksheet) easily accessible for use across the island. We hope it will be useful in starting conversations with young people and adults, to raise awareness and action to make Manx women’s lives better.
After Natalie had finished speaking, a woman who attended an Own My Life course a couple of years ago on Mann shared how Own My Life had changed her life. She showed the audience her Own My Story journal (which every woman on the course receives) and explained that the journal keeps her grounded in what she has learned to be true. When things get tough, she said that she sometimes sleeps with the journal under her pillow in the hopes the truths from it will soak into her mind while she’s asleep. She explained how the course, and those who facilitated it, had enabled her to recognise that her non-dualistic view of the world (which was part of her commitment to teaching yoga) needed extra input, to help her understand and make sense of her ex-partner’s abusive behaviour. She shared that our Counter-Parenting resource (available HERE) had already made a difference to her situation.
It was wonderful to hear how Own My Life made such a difference to this woman, and knowing that so many other women are experiencing this in their own context remains our great joy at Own My Life. We are so grateful for every woman who courageously embarks on the journey to owning their life, and this is only possible because of the brilliant organisations and their staff who run Own My Life so brilliantly across the UK, Ireland and beyond.
If you are interested in attending Own My Life, you can find your nearest course HERE.
For those who may want to deliver Own My Life within their local context, we deliver training monthly, you can find out more about that HERE.
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